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If there’s one thing the world constantly emphasizes, it’s that everyone is supposed to share a common experience: romantic love. But what if you don’t feel that way toward anyone? This could mean you fall somewhere on the aromantic spectrum, which includes people who don’t experience romantic attraction or experience it in varying degrees. Often referred to as “aro,” aromantic individuals may or may not also be asexual, meaning they don’t experience sexual
Many people still ask, “What do aromantics do to make themselves aromantic?”—implying that aromanticism is a choice or something individuals actively cultivate. But this misconception couldn’t be further from the truth. Aromanticism is an intrinsic orientation, not a product of any deliberate behavior.
What is Aromanticism?
To understand aromanticism, we first need to define it clearly. Aromanticism refers to a romantic orientation in which a person experiences little to no romantic attraction. This doesn’t mean that aromantic people don’t experience love or emotional connections—they do. However, they don’t feel the pull toward romantic love or relationships in the way many others do.
Aromanticism exists on a spectrum. Some aromantics might feel occasional romantic attraction (often called “gray-romantic”), while others may not experience it at all. It’s important to note that aromanticism is separate from asexuality (which refers to little or no sexual attraction), though some people might identify as both aromantic and asexual.
According to a 2020 survey by The Trevor Project, around 4% of LGBTQ+ youth identified as aromantic, reflecting the importance of recognizing this often overlooked orientation.
What Do Aromantics Do to Make Themselves Aromantic?
One of the most common misconceptions about aromantics is that they “do something” to make themselves aromantic. This question implies that people adopt certain behaviors or practices to avoid romantic feelings. The reality, however, is quite different. Aromantics don’t do anything to make themselves aromantic.
Romantic orientation, like sexual orientation, is something a person is born with—it’s not something you consciously decide or create through specific actions. Just as someone doesn’t “become” gay or straight by making certain choices, aromantics don’t “make” themselves aromantic. There is no set of behaviors that cause someone to “can become aro“; it is simply a natural aspect of who they are.
This misconception often arises from a lack of understanding about the diversity of romantic orientations. Many assume that romantic attraction is universal and that not experiencing it must be an abnormal state resulting from external influences. However, aromanticism is a valid and natural variation of human experience, just like any other romantic or sexual orientation. And while aromantics may not experience romantic attraction, people often wonder, can aro fall in love? The answer depends on how you define love—aromantics may feel deep platonic or familial love, but it’s important to recognize that their experiences are unique and distinct from romantic love.
Everyday Life for Aromantics
Imagine waking up in a world where romantic love isn't the center of everything. For many aromantics, this isn’t a fantasy—it’s their reality. Life doesn’t revolve around finding “the one” or chasing after a fairytale romance. Instead, it’s a life shaped by meaningful connections that don’t rely on romantic attraction.
Take friendships, for example. For aromantics, these bonds often hold the same weight that romantic relationships do for others. While society tends to place romantic love on a pedestal, suggesting it’s the ultimate form of connection, aromantics challenge this idea simply by living their truth. Friendships can be just as deep, fulfilling, and intimate. Imagine having a best friend who truly understands you, someone you can rely on through thick and thin. For aromantics, these relationships can provide the same emotional support and connection that others might find in romantic partnerships.
Yet, living in a world that prioritizes romance isn’t always easy. Aromantics often find themselves pushing back against societal expectations. Popular culture, from movies to music, is saturated with the message that romantic love is the key to happiness. But for aromantics, this isn't the case. Many of them find joy in other areas—whether it’s building a career they’re passionate about, spending time on hobbies that bring them fulfillment, or investing in their personal growth. They live rich, full lives that simply don’t involve romantic love. And that’s okay.
Some aromantics even form what’s called queerplatonic relationships. Imagine having someone in your life who feels like a soulmate but without the romantic undertones. These relationships can be as deeply committed and meaningful as any romantic partnership, but they operate outside the realm of romance. Queerplatonic partners might share their lives together, support each other through everything, and build a bond that defies conventional labels. It’s love, just not in the way most people imagine it.
For aromantics, life isn't about conforming to society’s romantic norms. It’s about carving out a path where friendship, personal fulfillment, and self-growth take center stage. It’s a reminder that love comes in many forms, and it doesn’t always have to be romantic to be real.
Aromanticism and Emotional Well-being
Even as aromanticism gains more recognition, several damaging misconceptions linger. One of the most harmful is the belief that aromanticism stems from emotional trauma or conscious avoidance of romantic feelings. Some people wrongly assume that aromantics are “broken” or incapable of love because of past heartbreak or rejection.
This assumption is not only false but also deeply hurtful. Aromanticism, much like other romantic orientations, is not a response to trauma or an emotional defense mechanism. It’s simply the way some individuals experience—or don’t experience—romantic attraction. Many aromantic people lead emotionally rich and fulfilling lives, forming deep connections that don’t adhere to traditional romantic norms.
Experts and LGBTQ+ advocates, including those from The Trevor Project and GLAAD, emphasize that romantic and sexual orientations are diverse and valid. Aromanticism is no different—it’s a natural and legitimate identity that deserves the same respect and understanding as any other.
Breaking Free from Harmful Stereotypes
Aromantic people often face a barrage of stereotypes that unfairly paint them as cold, detached, or even incapable of love hypothesis. These misconceptions stem from a deeply ingrained belief in society that romantic love is the pinnacle of human connection. Movies, books, and media reinforce the notion that finding romantic love is essential for happiness and fulfillment. But for aromantics, this couldn’t be further from the truth.
The reality is that love comes in many forms, and for aromantics, it simply doesn’t include romantic attraction. This doesn’t mean they are devoid of emotion or unable to form deep, meaningful connections. In fact, many aromantic individuals cultivate incredibly strong bonds with friends, family members, and even within themselves. Platonic love—love that exists outside the confines of romance—can be just as rich and rewarding. For aromantics, friendships often hold a sacred space in their lives, offering trust, loyalty, and support that many find in romantic partnerships.
Similarly, familial love plays an important role in their lives. Close-knit relationships with siblings, parents, and extended family can fulfill emotional needs in ways that some romantic relationships may not. Some aromantics also experience a deep sense of self-love, where they prioritize their own emotional well-being, personal growth, and happiness above external expectations of romance.
Aromanticism is an Inherent Identity
So, to answer the question, “What do aromantics do to make themselves aromantic?”—nothing. Aromanticism is a natural and valid orientation, not something a person can choose or cultivate. Just like being straight or gay, it’s an inherent part of who someone is. The more we understand and respect different orientations, the closer we come to creating a society where all people—aromantic flag, romantic, or otherwise—are free to express their true selves.
Let’s keep the conversation going. If you’re aromantic or know someone who is, share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. What has your journey been like? How have you navigated friendships and relationships?
For those looking to learn more, consider visiting organizations like GLAAD or AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network) for resources on aromanticism and other orientations within the LGBTQ+ community. Together, we at Fem2pt0 can foster a greater understanding of diverse identities and make the world a more inclusive place.
- As someone who identifies as aromantic, I’ve often faced questions like ‘How did you become aromantic?’ or ‘Can you ever fall in love?’ It’s exhausting to explain that my orientation isn’t something I chose—it’s just who I am. Thank you for breaking down these misconceptions in such a clear and thoughtful way!”
- I have a friend who’s been open about being aro, and I used to think they just didn’t want to be in a relationship because of past experiences. This blog helped me realize how wrong I was—it’s part of their identity, not something they ‘became’ through choices or actions.
- I’ve been struggling with my romantic orientation for a while, and this article really made things clearer for me. The part about not ‘choosing’ to be aromantic but just being that way hit home for me. It feels validating to see that others feel the same.
- I’ve always wondered if people who are aromantic can still fall in love in other ways, and I’m glad this post addressed that. The idea that love can exist outside of romance, like in strong friendships or family bonds, really opened my eyes. It’s refreshing to see a more nuanced perspective on love that doesn’t revolve solely around romance!
